Confession
One of the primary purposes of this blog is to have a space for more thoughtful, ponderous writings inspired by my time in London. I've done a few of those, but in the hopes of keeping things real (and also with the realisation that I have to write now if I'm going to keep my promise of one post per month), I've decided to shift tack today and confess my sins.
Well, not all my sins, because you really don't have that much time to read this nor do I have that much time to write this. In fact, I'm really only going to confess my sins in one particular area of my life: networking.
I love to network.
In the positive sense, I am an extrovert and thus love getting to know new people, particularly with similar interests to my own. I also love to meet people and connect people together (sometimes including myself, but sometimes not) in order to improve effectiveness in our areas of work and ministry. But it is when I network that I particularly notice my power-hungry human nature. I love to meet and get to know people of power. In the positive sense, it is essential to stay connected "at all levels" to increase effectiveness of one's work and ministry. Yet if getting to know people of power is egocentric and more about increasing one's boasting capabilities, it is not effective or healthy. I confess to the latter.
I was at a meeting today of many fantastic people. I loved getting to know them and learning a bit about their work and ministry. But I also loved the fact that I met someone who I knew had written several books and several people who had denominational clout. I liked meeting them because I knew they were powerful and important. My ego took a huge jump as I was in the meeting as a colleague and not a complete outsider. I also realised I was trying to prove my legitimacy for being among these persons, even though I was an invited guest (I was, in truth, filling in for my boss, but I was nonetheless invited and expected). I had a lot of fun feeling like I was sitting in on a meeting of the "big boys" (although there were four of us females), as we discussed opportunities and possibilities which would impact the church throughout the nation across denominations.
It's likely that loving networking for selfish, egocentric reasons is not my "worst" sin (if we were to rate sins). But I also need to appreciate how quickly my desires become less about God's kingdom and more about myself and my personal "success", "acclaim," or relative position of power. "The last shall become first, and the first shall become last", and right now I'm hankering for first ... which means I need to relearn what this is all about.
Well, not all my sins, because you really don't have that much time to read this nor do I have that much time to write this. In fact, I'm really only going to confess my sins in one particular area of my life: networking.
I love to network.
In the positive sense, I am an extrovert and thus love getting to know new people, particularly with similar interests to my own. I also love to meet people and connect people together (sometimes including myself, but sometimes not) in order to improve effectiveness in our areas of work and ministry. But it is when I network that I particularly notice my power-hungry human nature. I love to meet and get to know people of power. In the positive sense, it is essential to stay connected "at all levels" to increase effectiveness of one's work and ministry. Yet if getting to know people of power is egocentric and more about increasing one's boasting capabilities, it is not effective or healthy. I confess to the latter.
I was at a meeting today of many fantastic people. I loved getting to know them and learning a bit about their work and ministry. But I also loved the fact that I met someone who I knew had written several books and several people who had denominational clout. I liked meeting them because I knew they were powerful and important. My ego took a huge jump as I was in the meeting as a colleague and not a complete outsider. I also realised I was trying to prove my legitimacy for being among these persons, even though I was an invited guest (I was, in truth, filling in for my boss, but I was nonetheless invited and expected). I had a lot of fun feeling like I was sitting in on a meeting of the "big boys" (although there were four of us females), as we discussed opportunities and possibilities which would impact the church throughout the nation across denominations.
It's likely that loving networking for selfish, egocentric reasons is not my "worst" sin (if we were to rate sins). But I also need to appreciate how quickly my desires become less about God's kingdom and more about myself and my personal "success", "acclaim," or relative position of power. "The last shall become first, and the first shall become last", and right now I'm hankering for first ... which means I need to relearn what this is all about.
posted by Sharon at 7:32 PM
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